Janis Freegard: A Life Blighted by Pythons

waiting at the bus-stop

all I can think about

is how my hovercraft is full of eels

but it’s not, of course it’s not

my hovercraft is practically empty

my eels are few

in fact they’re not eels at all

but a netload of whitebait

and it isn’t even a hovercraft

I've never owned a hovercraft in my life

I wouldn’t know what to do with one

it’s not even a dinghy

it’s a reusable eco-friendly shopping bag

and they’re definitely not eels

and not even whitebait

the truth is, I've never been whitebaiting

they’re just vegetables

and I only have one thing to say:

your eels

my hovercraft

now, baby, now

From Kingdom Animalia: The Escapades of Linnaeus (2011). Freegard is a New Zealand poet and botanist. There are no pythons in New Zealand. The reader is being teased...